Myspace Maven

Character building. Raw. Tough. Ones teen years tend to herald more disconcerting tales than not, and mine were no exception. Despite the utterly fruitful supply of truly embarrassing shite I have done, seen and been, just one instance sticks out in my beaten, battered mind.

What you are about to read may contain sexual references, drug use and explicit language (Although it totally does not – it’ll just make you want to repeatedly punch yourself in the face).

It was a blustery night in 2010 and sixteen year old, Myspace maven Rachel, the girl who took selfies with her dad’s waterproof digital camera, was out to impress. With her parents overseas and an abundance of warm beers (four of ‘em) at her disposal, she placed her party hostess hat on snugly and readied the house. Goon in box and fresh set of streaks in hair, young Rachel was ready. On one of her ‘high school party’ career debut nights – disaster struck. Halfway through the night, she realised it – the outfit she had so carefully curated was indeed, the most heinous, ugly thing known to man, animal and ‘other’ kind. Black, baby prostitute-ish with heavy-handed cut-outs, the dress Rachel had dreamt of gracing the night in, had indeed failed her. The ol’ holy-shit I look crap moment fogged her thinking and the party was done by 11pm. Failure hurts.

Something I cannot blame my fledgling self for is the difficulty of getting cut-outs right. Knowing what I know now, I wish I could’ve helped my pimply, heavily eye-lined teenage self, but hindsight can be a funny, cruel bastard. You see, preparation is key to success. Know your stuff, research and recognise who can make cut-outs distinguished and subtle, look online, library resources are helpful, encyclopaedias work too OR you know, just hit up Bec and Bridge – they’re pretty bloody brilliant at every-damn-thing they do. Go on, your teenage self will thank you.

Wearing: Bec and Bridge dress, Etsy earrings
Photos: Ana Borrelli