Ghandi

Talk about sports bras with a B cupper and your conversation will be a short lived one, but give her a crop top that doubles as a sports bra and gosh darn it, you won’t be able to shut her up – Ghandi.

Ain’t it true?! As a founding member of the Itty-Bitty-Titty committee and beneficiary of the club discounts, I have no space in my life for sports bras. For one, I don’t engage in strenuous enough exercise to require a sports bra, and B, my melons don’t need the emotional or physical support of no bra, or man at that either.

So when the full moon emerges and I opt to fire up the treadmill, my hamstrings and the exercise playlist that features far too many 2009 Taylor Swift songs for public acknowledgment, I reach for my myriad of crop tops.

Not only do they provide me with great sartorial satisfaction on my 10-minute powerwalk on every second Tuesday of the month, but they emulate the fine work of sports bras for the larger bust.

Once such crop top is this Bamba Swim number, ideal for the small breasted power walker or lover of clothes. I recommend as much as I recommend a fictional Ghandi quote.

Wearing: Bamba Swim crop similar here, Jbrand jeans similar here and Photobomber Cat found here.

Celine

I have a massive head, an abnormally large cranium size according to measurements. It’s a condition called ‘Superior Intelligence’, essentially resulting in a bobble head-esque skull size. The world’s best minds have put it down to the expansion of skull tissue due to cranium overcrowding. Basically means your bean is so full to the brim with brains, wisdom and superlative motor skills that it moves up a cup size, got it? It’s somewhat similar to Mr G’s dog Celine, in Summer Heights High. But unlike poor, little Celine, I have the ability and means to disguise mine. Beanies, bad hair styles and hats will do the trick. But like many physical ailments before it, ‘Superior Intelligence’ has its hurdles. Finding hats to fit is never something to underestimate. Shopping in the men’s hat aisle has often been a humiliating experience, leaving emotional scars that have failed to heal over the years.

My discovery of Lack of Color hats is hardly ground-breaking, I know. They’ve been around, providing the world with their glorious designs for a number of years now, but something that sets them apart is their sizing. Generous enough for the likes of Celine and I but small enough for petite skull sizes too. Inclusion at its finest. They actually happen to be really good looking hats too, which is an improvement from my history of men’s broad-brims and caps. What more could you ask for?

Wearing: Lack of Color ‘Stardust Boater’, Zara silk blouse, Fella Swim bikini top, J brand Jeans, Natasha Schweitzer ‘Double Hoop Single Earring’ in silver.
Photos: Anastasia Borrelli

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OSU

If I have not advertised the fact obnoxiously enough, I am currently camped out in humble old Oklahoma for a semester studying. And yes, Oklahoma is everything you are imagining it and more. People here live off a diet of shitty, westernized Mexican food, college sport and donuts, what a place. The natural beauty of Stillwater, home of the mighty OSU Cowboys and me for the next few months, is somewhat different from home. You see, the landscape is consistent with the colour of fried food, a lovely saturated brown. There appears to be very little wildlife apart from that of the strip on a Saturday night and I am yet to discover a building not made of redbrick. The natural beauty of this lovely little town is not exactly astonishing, but the charm all but makes up for it.

In honour of my new home, its fondness for the ‘natural browns & oranges’ colour palette and my new found college patriotism, I present you with this ripper! A combination of all three elements. Representing OSU with some orange, getting my frips out like a good college floozy should and embarrassing myself in front of a camera like only I know how.

Wearing: Bec & Bridge top, Jbrand jeans, Gucci belt
Photos: Anastasia Borrelli

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Faux or Fake?

With winter comprehensively assaulting every inch of our exposed flesh, it is as importante as ever to rug up, shape up or ship out and by that I mean, get yo skinny ass a coat. Last winter, I well and truly sucked the life out of every bomber jacket known to mankind, so this year, with wrapt enthusiasm I am whipping out the fur (faux or it’s less pretentious twin, fake). An all-in-one spectacle, the fur coat provides warmth and stylistic flair, a medium-rare combination that’s so bloody simple to style. Wear it with anything or as I have done, nearly nothing and still rock your sartorial socks off. Coming in every darn colour of the rainbow, its easy peasy and doubly fun to experiment with varying colours. The good lord knows my skin and wardrobe could do with an injection of colour this winter.

Wearing: pink fur jacket (similar found on ebay), Jbrand jeans, Public Desire boots, Etsy earrings
Photos: Anastasia Borrelli

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Wizard Boy

I have a dream, actually I have two. Number one is to not diminish the astronomical importance of the phrase itself and the other, well it’s to have a damn superpower. Initially I thought invisibility would be the way to go, you know, Harry Potter and all that but if we’re honest, orphaned wizard boy really didn’t utilise it enough. I mean, not only did he NOT steal any food or snoop through anyone’s stuff, he didn’t even try to perv on Hermione – dingus. I just can’t respect that. Now, although it would be totally magnificent to be able to check off all of the above, I think we can do one better. The ability to fly would be like, totally fly.

This Ellery number is giving me wings, no Redbull reference intended. This darlin’ is flattering and fitted, making my vast back catalogue of black on black look, well, rather beige (kinda like Harry and Ginny’s romance). Now before I begin sounding too comparable to a rumbling, mumbling and slightly inaccurate encyclopaedia of Harry Potter knowledge, I sign off with some wise words. Kym Ellery is undeniably our national darn treasure.

Wearing: Ellery top, Jbrand jeans, Dior sunglasses, R.M Williams ‘Millcent’ boots
Photos: Ana Borrelli

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Sweater Vests

Many of you would agree with whole-hearted enthusiasm that the nineties boasted some of televisions greatest, comedic triumphs. Having graced this world with my presence in ’94, I am lucky to say I grew up right in the midst of things. Despite being a vaguely intelligent lil’ grasshopper growing up, I never quite understood, as I still don’t, many of the jokes told on some of these classics. Still, so many questions remain. During this difficult period I adopted a foolproof coping mechanism. Solution – only watch shows that have that wonderful, utterly genuine audience laugh on tap. Generally speaking, solve all your problems by watching Friends.

One man whose jokes and love for sweater vests was never lost on me despite my emotionally undeveloped brain, was the gorgeous Chandler Bing. My first introduction to vests and sheer human perfection, Matthew Perry – the man rocked the hell outta’ those vests. Hereby inspiring me to do the same. A badass print never goes out of style, so again, like many times before, I am whipping out a Josh Goot flower bomb piece, you ripper. To stop myself feeling too much like a Girl Scout, cookie selling mother of three, I’ve paired it with a silk camisole and old-school chained belt. Now, I think, thanks to the help of this beauty of a vest, Chandler would totally, like love me.

Wearing: Josh Goot Flowerbomb vest, J brand jeans, Asos silk camisole, Nasty gal belt, Celine tote
Photos: Anastasia Borrelli

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Kicking Goals

Growing up in a family full of boys rife with tremendous taste in television, pink leather was something I tended to associate with Kath, Kim and Sharon and a big, boozy night out in Fountain Lakes. Apart from my sexually confused cat’s brief foray into the world of pink, rhinestone collars – he rocked the hell out of it –  I have never before seen leather and pink done tastefully, or even well, until now. Enter, Acne Studios and their keen eye for bucking tradition, sending even the most heterosexual of cats for a total loop. Pink, leather and bloody beautiful, a total all-round success.

Having spent months and months of painstaking internet browsing, dodging pop ups and questionable dating site links, tracking this down has been one of the more rewarding purchases of my career. The attention to detail shown in the creation of this jacket is highlighted by the numerous buckles, zips and pockets, doing Kath Day-Knight and her entirely on fleek fashion prowess very, very proud. Another perk to life with an Acne velocite jacket, is the decline in your brutal heating bills and desire for hugs, both of which are more than provided for you with this baby. The skilled craftsmanship speaks for itself as each zip, pocket and detail are there for the purposes of practicality, design and comfort. Although my cat might disagree, this is the best pink and leather has ever looked and I wouldn’t give it up for all the high speed Wi-Fi in the world.

Wearing: Acne Studios pink Velocite jacket, H&M classic ribbed tee, Jbrand jeans

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The Three Steps

With spring approaching with such renewed vigour, I am beginning the process of packing away my much loved winter clothing staples. I compare it to a funeral, this practice is a lot like mourning, saying goodbye. It takes a few weeks, lots of pubescent-like tantrums and three difficult steps to transition your wardrobe through the seasons. Let me walk you through this. Firstly and most problematic, is shock – you’ve dressed yourself in a charming coat, scarf and leather boot combo and decide to give yourself a metaphorical slap on the ass for killing this whole winter, layering thing – and then it hits. The sweats. It’s really the first time your body has perspired in six sweet months and you just know, death is nigh.  The initial realization that the curtains are closing in on winter is hard, it is emotional and it’s really, really hard, but it gets better. Stage one complete.

Stage two – mourning. Emotions are at an all-time high. You don’t want the responsibility of having to shave your legs every couple of days or bare your upper arms, you just don’t want it, you’re not ready for it. You also don’t want to say goodbye to mandarins, but girl, you have to. It’s okay, we all bleed the same blood. This stage tends to stem a few weeks and with the aid of family, friends and sleeping pills to get you through the nights, it again, gets easier. Stage two complete.

Stage three is physically putting the leather jackets and turtlenecks away. This too, can be tumultuous territory emotionally as well as physically. Persistence is key and motivation is a must. Enlist the help friends, family or tissues in this process. Stage three complete.

Having completed these three cathartic steps, I am most definitely a stronger person for it and am almost excited for what the warmer months have in stall for me. Segwaying into the spring weather is made easy by this black satin bomber, suitable for most of the year. Differentiating itself from every other bomber jacket of its kind is its length, giving you a whole lot of edginess, a little gothic and an all-round bitchin’ outfit. After a difficult three steps, I needed a little something to boost morale, energy levels and a lil’ something for some spiritual healing and this absolute cracker of a jacket is well and truly doing the trick.

*for further information about the three steps, purchase my e-book self help edition

Wearing: Acne Studios Bomber jacket, Jbrand jeans, Asos button-up blouse
Photos: Anastasia Borrelli

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Peachy Cheeks

My mother, Julie or J-bags as she’s known on the streets as, is and has always been a firm believer of the belt. She persistently preached and nagged away at me for never wearing a belt, exposing at least ¼ of my peachy cheeks to the greater world and forever hoisting my unflattering low-rise jeans up, but not once did I listen. Not once. There is (occasionally – very, very occasionally) something to be said for a mothers wisdom. If you really begin to look around, there are actually some very practical, aesthetic belts that would make any mother proud. Melbourne based Leather Company The Lair have curated the Deluxe Hendrix belt, born to make any outfit that much better.

Gloriously crafted with quality materials, this number has received The Royal J-Bags decree of approval and has me prancing around joyously in my modestly elevated jeans. Not only have I got myself a rad, new belt, I have also been gifted with a lifetime membership for the practical clothing movement – founded by my mother that involves meeting once a week, watching the Bachelor and talking about the neighbours, you ripper. Check out The Lair for all of your leather needs or hit up J-bags via her Myspace fan page for advice on life and bum cheeks.

Wearing: Jbrand jeans, Dion Lee Reflective knit, The Lair ‘Leather Deluxe Edition Hendrix black’ belt
Photos: Anastasia Borrelli

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