Sisterhood

These pants have magic powers and no, not the kind that bring America Ferrera and Blake Lively together after a long, difficult summer. No, these pants are the positive self-esteem heroes of our generation, in other words, not Blake Lively. They bring love handles and muffins tops together after long, over-indulgent summers and house them in one beautiful, corded flare pant – happy tears.

My college experience saw me gain the revered Freshmen 15lbs in six months after an onslaught of non-Mexican Mexican food and $1 screwdrivers and in the aftermath, these pants were my only salvation.

Let this be a lesson for you all, in times of need you must always, always turn to Gucci and teen movies highlighting the importance of female friendship and/or sisterhood.

Wearing: Gucci pants, Acne Studios tee and Balenciaga heels.

Dirty, Stinkin’, Good for Nothin’

Confession time.  I’m a joke repeater, a dirty, stinkin’, good for nothin’ joke repeater. If I feel like someone likes what I’m putting down, I’ll drive that attempt at humour into the ground, warranted or not. So any peanut nutty enough (like what I did there? Yeah, yeah I know) to pay attention to my Instagram feed, will be able to point out my unrelenting penchant for the good ol’ Acne Studios, pimple gag. A total classic amirite!? Regardless, I’m looking to upgrade my already sophisticated satirical offenses and branch out, so bid your sweet farewells fellas. RIP dad jokes, RIP joke repeating, Rest in Pieces. From here on out I vow to produce only the freshest jests for y’all, I do.  With that being said, I’ve got nothin’, nada, no Bueno in the ‘new material’ section of my brain. I’m very open to suggestions so any of you good blokes listening in with a corking Acne Studio’s pun, send ‘em in. Seriously, I’ll send you a gift card for Woolies or something.

Wearing: Acne Studios ‘Velocite Leather-trimmed Shearling Biker’ Jacket found here, Helmet Lang leather skirt found here, unbranded sunglasses, similar found here.

Photography: Anastasia Borrelli @anastasia.borrelli

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Boa

As the years roll on and my age and state of mind drift further and further apart, I begin to realise just how bloody gifted my childhood really was. I could lick all the flavouring off Shapes and cease to shower without any real consequence. I could piss away the hours of the day with little expectation of productivity or responsibility. But most of all, I could dress as I please with anything from the boys section at Target appropriately meeting my needs. Now despite my unisex ways there was one glamorous, ladylike adornment I couldn’t go past. A luxury item I believed few were lucky enough to indulge in – the feather boa my friends. Oh the texture, oh the vibrancy. On reflection, despite it’s rather nuvo riche qualities, the feather boa stands rock solid in my definition of GLAM.

At this point many of you may have drawn the conclusion that I am in fact a liability to the human race for such distaste, but alas, I have evolved. I have emotionally dealt with society’s shunning of the use and wear of everyday feather boas, so I’ve discovered the next best thing. Lost Ink’s supremely reigning detachable collared coat. The collar comes about as close to my friend the boa without taking the wearer to embarrassing levels of humiliation and is versatile… unlike my friend the boa. Whatever your stance on feather boas, one thing is obvious, this coat is the bomb ass.

Wearing: Lost Ink coat, Asos scarf, Acne Studios dress
Photos: Anastasia Borrelli

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Opening Ceremony

I heart the Olympics. Whole-heartedly. Fully. Completely. Bloody love ‘em. There’s nothing quite like an athletic sob story, filled with sorrow, triumph and lots of Gatorade (spon). More spectacularly though is the opening ceremony. A typically 14 hour affair in which Olympic officials take advantage of the potent cocktail of four years pent-up excitement and dupe you into watching the entire event. Such tom-foolery, but one must not blame themselves. The one great perk to enduring the mental anguish of an opening ceremony induced coma are the athlete’s uniforms and this year I found myself spiritually and sartorially inspired. And presenting, my slightly inappropriate take on the athlete’s uniform. Look past evident absence of any elite sporting talent and the addition of thigh-high boots and voila! Rio ready and rearing to go, so to speak.

Wearing: Ego boots, Ellery blazer, Alexander Wang skirt, Bassike tee, Acne Studios clutch, Etsy earrings
Photos: Anastasia Borrelli

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Penny not a Nickel

Don’t have time to shave your legs? Finding yourself frustrated with your regular shaving regime? Nicks and cuts getting you down? WELL you big bunch of incompetent, lazy sloths, I have the solution to all of your hairy problems. Don’t shave! Grow it, braid it or dye it, either way leg hair is undeniably versatile and totally fresh this AW16 season. If this option doesn’t tickle your follicles like it does mine, I suggest the ever-steady and reliable thigh-high boot.

A secret agent type disguise for all things bad tan, leg fur or fnees (cankles not-so-identical twin sister), thigh-highs are the key to winter dressing success. I found these beauties at Public Desire for a penny not a nickel and would highly recommend them to anyone who’ll listen.

Wearing: Public Desire boots, Acne Studios sweater, Zara leather skirt
Photos: Anastasia Borrelli

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Shoes Shoes Shoes

Any poor soul who was an active Facebook user back in 2009 or so, would remember with total discomfort and unease the ‘Shoes’ video. This somewhat iconic, but mostly notorious video can only be described as a poor man’s niche porno and centred on one man’s passion for shoes, or total dislike for being a relatively balanced human being. Regardless of his ease at making the inhabitants of the internet universally uncomfortable, the man just loved his shoes. I can respect that, although many of the stompers featured in his music clip were more Degrassi High than cute.

I have vivid, very secret dreams of being an overnight YouTube shoe loving sensation and recently, with thanks to these bad boys, my dreams seem to be closer than ever. There is really not much need for breaking down how bloody brilliant these mules so I won’t ruin your brains with a lacklustre description but I will say, not only am I exceedingly proud to own these shoes, but beamingly proud to have spent the last half an hour of my life writing about the ‘Shoes’ video.

Wearing: Ellery ‘Saxony’ mules, Dion Lee blazer, Acne Studios shirt dress
Photos: Anastasia Borrelli

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Off to the Races

Excuse my tardiness in delivering this illiterate, vaguely engaging blog post but I was busy visiting the UN, helping Santa and plotting  Donald Trump’s assassination (two lies and a truth, you figure it out), but here we go. With one, lustful glance at this frock I deciphered its undeniable potential for race-day attire. Setting aside the fact that I am no fan of the barbarity of risking those beautiful animals’ lives for the sake of a few avid drinkers and punters, I am in fact, a super fan of the costume as well as the amazing annual post-race piss up newspaper stories on the ‘Disturbing State of our Youth’.

According to the universal checklists for race attendance, the public votes crowns and crap (slightly douchey but brilliant) to be the numero uno item of importance. The people love a headpiece and I can’t blame em’. Evidentially trying too hard is my forte and is something that appears to be a common and collective theme for the races, what a match.

Wearing: Thurley dress, Kookai headpiece, Etsy earrings, Acne Studios clutch
Photos: Anastasia Borrelli

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Merry Christmas Bastards

Christmas – a time filled mostly with the exchanging of very solicitous but often subpar gifts, more Secret Santa’s than you can poke a stick at and more than a few visits to the gingerbread tin. Although we are taught otherwise, the pinnacle of the festive season really is delving into the mountainous pile of poorly wrapped presents with enough gusto to put your young self to shame and watching the reactions of your ‘loved’ ones when they receive our gifts (gross right?). Now, before this starts sounding too much like an #ad #sponsored for the utter, unwavering joy and cheer that is Xmas, I feel the need to open up the conversation to the other, less transparent side to Christmas, the dark side of the festivities. The point in the merriments where cold meat sambo’s resemble a broken record, you’ve listened to ‘Suzy Snowflake’ one too many times and the woman you call ‘mum’, like, totally missed the mark with her present (criminal). Disappointment, sadness and a total lack of justification for feeling these emotions take hold. For those of us looking to avoid throwing yourself and your mediocre gifts into the crockpot of Christmas crap, there is a solution.

The time tested method of child picking, parent buying. The old ‘I’ve bought my own present’ routine, something I’ve adopted this year to ensure my dream present was hand delivered into my greedy, undeserving hands. This bangin’ McCall lace top happens to be this year’s target, the perfect, hand selected, parent paid for present. Beautiful enough to help you maintain your expectant, spoiled brat status all while looking polished and fab. Signing off early, due to the exertion of writing about the difficulties of being a privileged, happy person. Merry Christmas bastards.

Wearing: Alice McCall top, Winston Wolfe skirt, B-low the Belt belt, Balenciaga heels, Acne Studios clutch
Photographs: Anastasia Borrelli

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Kicking Goals

Growing up in a family full of boys rife with tremendous taste in television, pink leather was something I tended to associate with Kath, Kim and Sharon and a big, boozy night out in Fountain Lakes. Apart from my sexually confused cat’s brief foray into the world of pink, rhinestone collars – he rocked the hell out of it –  I have never before seen leather and pink done tastefully, or even well, until now. Enter, Acne Studios and their keen eye for bucking tradition, sending even the most heterosexual of cats for a total loop. Pink, leather and bloody beautiful, a total all-round success.

Having spent months and months of painstaking internet browsing, dodging pop ups and questionable dating site links, tracking this down has been one of the more rewarding purchases of my career. The attention to detail shown in the creation of this jacket is highlighted by the numerous buckles, zips and pockets, doing Kath Day-Knight and her entirely on fleek fashion prowess very, very proud. Another perk to life with an Acne velocite jacket, is the decline in your brutal heating bills and desire for hugs, both of which are more than provided for you with this baby. The skilled craftsmanship speaks for itself as each zip, pocket and detail are there for the purposes of practicality, design and comfort. Although my cat might disagree, this is the best pink and leather has ever looked and I wouldn’t give it up for all the high speed Wi-Fi in the world.

Wearing: Acne Studios pink Velocite jacket, H&M classic ribbed tee, Jbrand jeans

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